My Life in Pro Wrestling part 8

This section will cover my eighth year in pro wrestling, 2018. Previous sections:


Chapter 46 – Set The Scene

So, 2018 rolled around and I was fairly set on taking a break at somepoint in the year. I had no idea for how long, whether it would be a permanent thing, or just a couple of months away. With the incentive of a trip to Japan in June, I had to go out properly. I knew no matter what, unless there was some kind of recruiting miracle, this was most likely going to be my last visit to Japan as a pro wrestler.
I started January feeling quite motivated to have one last push at getting out there, but by February I felt quite demoralised and ready to get out for a while.
By April I’d decided I desperately needed a break and that I wasn’t going to really pursue many, or any outside bookings. I’d take a few if offered, and if the opponent was someone I wanted to work with. If I was going away for a bit, then I didn’t really want to take opportunities from anyone else. I’d tentatively set the end of July as a good chance to step away for a while.

Chapter 47 – House of My Pain

House of Pain then, and the table was set for the home stretch with the House of Pain championship. I was determined to wring every last bit of fun I could out of the run somehow.

Particular highlights included a match with ladies wrestler Hannah James. Now this happened because I was booked in a 6 person tag match, and nobody wanted to take the fall. We were quickly running out of time out front, and, to be honest, I wanted to kind of set an example to some of the people in the match you’re not too big to get pinned. I’m also not someone to tell another that they’re getting pinned, so I said to Hannah, “just pin me. You’ll have to have a title shot after that haha”. 
She looked at me baffled, and I don’t think she felt she had a choice. I checked if she was OK with this idea, and then I went over to Stixx and asked if he had an issue with her pinning me.

I remember very vividly him sat behind the computer at a desk at the St Ann’s venue, vest on, can of white Monster pressed up to his lips, his eyes darted across to make contact with mine. He raised an eyebrow and lowered the Monster from his mouth.
“Sure” and he laughed (some of you reading will know the exact laugh I mean).
“Next time at St Ann’s, can I wrestle her? “
“Sounds good” Monster can goes back to the lips.
“Wicked, cheers Sticko!” and off I trotted to have a chat about the match
We did the match, Lucas Archer hit me with an RKO, I turned into a high crossbody from Hannah, and she pinned me, the crowd loved it. Pure shock. I rolled out, grabbed a microphone and challenged her to a title match. Crowd popped.
The next St Ann’s show rolled around, and it happened to be on the (at the time) annual HOP debut day. Every other match had at least one debutant in, so it was cool to see people take their first steps into the game. I got to watch most of the card and give a few pointers when required.
Onto mine and Hannah’s match. I loved this because of its simplicity, mostly crowd work, but we got the crowd to buy into Hannah as a credible challenger. I challenged Hanna to push herself a bit, and we did a bit of a callback to the crossbody, but this time she would be doing it to the outside, for a believable fall. She did great, and I beat her with a death valley driver. It was honestly, great fun, and one of my little favourite mini feuds.

My last successful defence was a long overdue rematch with Lucas Archer. It had been wayyyyyyy too long since our last singles match. A Beeston matinee show, with a lukewarm crowd. Say what you will though, Lucas was by now a very experienced and fiery babyface. He knew how to get the crowd with him. And Beeston just thought I was a cunt, so we meshed well. Easy work.
So, next was a show I really didn’t want to stick around for. The Beeston evening show was House of Pain vs Fight Factory from Lincoln. Except I wasn’t booked to have a match, and I was a little miffed about that. All the other champions had matches on the show. Instead I had to still be there, for a spot, right at the end of the show. I’d wrestled in the afternoon, and had to wait around for quite some time for my spot.
The main event was Gareth ‘G-Wizz’ Bond vs Bram/Tom Latimer (TNA/NWA), great match in all fairness, but my spot was in the close of their match, and I ended up taking some cold bumps here. I woke up horrendously sore the next day.

vs ‘G-Wizz’ Bond, HOP Championship match, Cotgrave

The next afternoon was also the day that I’d be facing G-Wizz for the HOP Championship.
This ended up being in Cotgrave. Cotgrave was an odd place. The venue should be brilliant, but the attendance was always hit and miss. Something to do with it being very out of the way as well.
I felt horrible all morning. Those cold bumps from the night before had jarred my knees and my back, and I didn’t feel motivated at all. I like G though, so it was important that I gave him everything I could, and set him off on a good trajectory into his title reign.
We put together a simple match, and left enough room for us to listen to the crowd and let them dictate where we went with the match. Our set piece at the end was going to be quite a scary bump for me, but I was ready to just let it happen and let him look as good as I possibly could, from my end.
The crowd seemed with it, and came with us all the way through. I kicked out of his finish and he couldn’t put me away. He had to do something drastic. He caught me on the top rope, lifted me onto his shoulders, and gave me a tope rope TKO. From the ropes, G’s shoulders, and his jump, I was probably 14/15 feet up in the air, before I landed front first onto the mat. He rolled me over, and I couldn’t have kicked out if I tried anyway. Thank fuck that was it.
I felt relief.

I felt sad.

I rolled out of the ring, and I hobbled backstage. I’d set my stuff up on the right hand side of the curtain, I slumped on the floor and unlaced my boots. I threw them into my case and laid on the floor for a while, not knowing what to do with myself.

Everyone else had packed up and moved over to the left hand side where there was a larger dressing area. I heard G come backstage, go to the left hand dressing room and the roster cheered and gave him an ovation. I felt a little jealous that he got that, and I felt hurt. I felt that the desire to take a break was as great as it had ever been, and I needed to get away for a while. I’d always assumed that a lot of people didn’t particularly like me all that much, I was in my head so much at this point, and this felt like a kick in the balls. I don’t think that was their intent. G was/is an awesome, positive bloke. He earned his spot, and that reception from the roster, just by being genuine.

On reflection, I was so ready to drop the belt. I felt as though my title run hadn’t quite lived up to the expectations I had for it. I hadn’t spoken up enough, I’d stewed on things that I didn’t need to. I’d seen some criticism online early in my run and that I took to heart, and dwelled on it for ages. I was so in my head. Mentally, I was in the toilet, and I think I saw the belt as a symbol of that.
I looked back at the photos of the match, and I think I look ill. I know I felt it. I looked pale, skinny and withered.

G and I had a rematch a week later in Calverton, in which I won the belt back, for 2 minutes, until a second ref reversed the decision, deeming I’d used a chair. This was a good laugh to be fair, no pressure at Calverton, and I’d decided in my head that I was going to take that break after coming back from Japan. I was going to try and make the most of whatever I had left.

Somehow in June I ended up having another title shot at G after winning a 6-way match (that was a shitload of fun), this time in Beeston, in a submission match. We had a good brawl around the building, where I worked an ankle lock and an armbar, and G worked on my back. He took it in the end with a Boston Crab. And that was it. I was all but done in House of Pain. One more to go, but we’ll talk about that in a couple of chapters.


Chapter 48 -1175

So, this is it. Pro Wrestling 4U, pretty much the final chapter. I’d been part of PW4U since the back end of 2013, I’d been the G6 Champion since 2014. I’d been part of a faction that didn’t work out, a tag team that was fun, but without the payoff we’d worked towards, and we’d been searching for at least 2 of those years for the perfect person to pass the G6 on to.
Phil and I both knew we’d hit the end of the road with the belt, and had been looking at potential candidates for a while, and Phil was still really high on Ry Lloyd, so he suggested we make the switch to him.
I was really ready to pass it on, and I was ready to check out of PW4U for a while after I’d dropped the belt, regardless of whom. I looked at the roster, and to be fair there wasn’t a better candidate than Ry Lloyd. He was young, fiery, had an action packed style and the crowd were buying into him. He gave a fantastic showing in the previous singles we’d had, and in the 3 way we had a few months ago.
In hindsight, I should’ve had a match with him instead of the Noah match in December, so that we could set it up. Instead the match felt a little cold, and we’d be performing in a brand new venue in Knutton, Staffordshire.
Phil had high hopes for this venue, as it was in a venue that was pretty big and had a lot of potential for growth. He wanted to have a match there that people could be invested in, and see a title change, as he thought that’s what people would like to see. I see the logic.
From my perspective, this was a cold match, with no build, and I’d have loved to have dropped the belt in the Silverdale venue, as it was where we’d shown everything over the years, and where I should’ve lost to Rob.
Still, I was really ready to just take a break, and I didn’t really want to have a battle with Phil over it. He’d been good to me for a long time, and it wasn’t worth risking any relationship we had.
He came to me with a couple of ideas for after I’d lost the belt, I didn’t dismiss them, but I knew in the back of my mind that I wouldn’t be doing them. I even had some promo shots with female wrestler Rhio, ready for the angle. Luckily we had nothing to set the angle up, on this show, so it allowed me to finish up clean.
Onto the match itself, I still really wanted to push Ry, and have this match be the culmination of everything I’d done, and learned over 20 title defences and 1275 days with the belt.
This was the week before I lost the HOP belt, and as I said in that piece, I think I looked like shit physically. Got to love that constant body dysmorphia you get when you’re in pro wrestling (that physique will never look good enough to you). Still I was very motivated to go out on a high, and to give everything I had.
We threw in a good competitive chain wrestling start, we picked up the pace, Ry on top, then I took over for a while. Plenty of back and forth, and then we slowed it down just a touch before we started heading for the finish. We’d got quite the finishing stretch to go through. I threw everything at him, until he hit me with a triple stack, superkick, Canadian Destroyer, Swanton bomb. That was it.

Finally losing the G6 belt to Ry Lloyd, March 2018

I laid in the middle of the ring deadly still for 20 minutes, across the interval. I don’t really know why I did it, but I felt like I wanted to do it, just to ‘pop’ myself. People came in for in-ring photos with Ry, the new champ. I didn’t move. People took photos with my motionless body. I was everything I needed it to be. I saw the ring empty, and I just sat up, and walked casually backstage. That was it.

I was no longer the Pro Wrestling 4U G6 Division Champion.
We’d been around the world together, achieved my biggest goals together, the belt had took pride of place in my house for years, and was part of the furniture. My son used to walk around the house with the belt. It was mine for so long, it was part of me. I’m conflicted about the run when I reflect on it. I think I did some cool things with it, but we never hit the stride at home. I’d always wanted to build a division, where people had something to aim for, a somewhat regular roster where people had time to flourish and get the crowd onside. The Sickness definitely muddied the waters, and slowed that. And by the time that was done, it was probably too late to salvage.
Overall I was very grateful for everything PW4U and Phil gave me over these 4 and a bit years. It was time to leave for a while.

Chapter 49 – Japan

I was really fucking ready for this one. I knew what this week was going to be; it was going to be my farewell to Japanese pro wrestling, no matter what. Unless DDT were going to come in for me, this was the absolute final chapter.
I was booked by Kazuhiro Tamura of Heat-Up Pro Wrestling for a show on June 23rd in Kawasaki. From April to July I got my head down, and got in the gym. I had free access to the gym at work, so I was in there every day that I could be, and to be honest I was really pleased with the shape I’d managed to get myself in. My diet was good, I was disciplined, I was lifting heavy. I was training at House of Pain once or twice a week, as I was determined to go out on the highest high I could.
So obviously, I prepared so well, that my flight was booked the day after I worked my first international cricket match. England vs Australia no less. It was a late finish, so sleep was going to be a premium.
Shower, change, saw my girlfriend for a couple of hours, and then I headed into Nottingham to take a 4 hour bus trip to the airport.
Sat and looked at planes for a while then a short hop to Amsterdam, where I was going to be waiting for 6 hours. I was definitely struggling to stay awake, so I watched the NXT PPV in the airport. The one with the Gargana/Ciampa handcuff match. That was good.  There was a young Japanese boy playing on a piano near one of the large seating areas, and he was so, so good. He kept me awake as I wanted to listen to him play. Finally, it was time to board, I got into the seat, we took off, I had a snack and then I just slept. Plane sleep is horrible, but I needed sleep so badly.
Some 12 hours later I landed in Japan. I was so happy to be back. I had no commitments until I had to go check-in to my hostel where I’d booked 2 nights in. I’d booked nothing else, I was just gonna see where I wanted to go after. I wandered around the Tokyo Skytree, tried to find the Pokemon Centre that I went to with Pollyanna a few years ago, as my girlfriends Squirtle keyring had died a death, and needed replacing. I went and bought the tiniest can of Monster ever, to keep me going, and then I slowly made my way to Nihonbashi to drop my stuff off, I didn’t want to be luggging my case around for the rest of the afternoon. I then headed to Ichigaya, just to sit at the station for a while, overlooking the fishing pond., and went for the customary Ichigaya stop at Yoshi Noya for a big bowl of Gyuudon.

Pasty Brit with the Murder Grandpa

Fuck it. I fancied another adventure, so I jumped on the train, and headed to Harajuku. I’d never been there before, so I wanted to spend the afternoon there. There was also a wrestling shop I really wanted to go to there, so off I went.
I found my way finally, to the Piledriver store, which was run my Minoru Suzuki. I also knew that Hiroyo Matsumoto worked there, and I’d always enjoyed seeing her. She shouted happily at me as I entered the store, gave her a hug, and then asked why I was there. I told her, and she went to get Suzuki, which caught me off guard. She spoke well of me to him, so he came out to say hello. He said I looked a bit skinny, and squeezed my shoulders. He stood back and looked at me in the eye nodded approvingly, and said, “muscle, ok”.
Thank fuck. Murder Grandpa told me I was OK. Hiroyo took our photo, I bought a Takayama t-shirt and donated to the Takayamania fun, for Yoshihiro Takayam, who was paralysed in hospital at the time. He was on the first Gatoh Move Korakuen show a few years ago and he was nice to me there. I felt I should do something, as small a gesture as that was.
I said goodbye, and trotted back into Harajuku. It was awesome to see some of the cultural things that everyone knows Harajuku for. A stroll down the famous Takeshita Street, looking in all of the shops, surrounded by all kinds of people from lolita girls to teddy boys. It was wonderful.
I then headed into Yoyogi Park for a walk around, and to have a look at the magnificent Meiji Shrine, through the Torii gates, and to say a prayer. I don’t know why, but I always felt compelled to do that whenever I went to a shrine. Two claps, hands together with closed eyes. I wanted this trip to just be fun, no stress. A busy and productive day, I head back to Nihonbashi to settle in.

Training at the Heat-Up Dojo

The next day, I’d be meeting everyone. I met Greg (Glorious), in Ichigaya, and we headed to the Heat-Up dojo. We’d been invited by Tamura to train. This was an absolutely brilliant training session, I felt real good, hitting the ropes with aggression, noise and purpose. I was ready. Tamura bought us all lunch, and then we all went our separate ways. Greg and I headed to Akihabara for some tourist shit, and some food.
We headed back to Ichigaya later on and met up with the Gatoh Move crew. Chef Obihiro was in full effect when we arrived, so I went and bought a bunch of Asahi for everyone. It was a chilled evening, where people would come and go. I met new Gatoh Move recruits, Mei Suruga and Mitsuru Konno, who both seemed to have something about them, as you’d expect from 2 people that Emi Sakura had invested time in training into.
Greg was there with his young Grapplemax trainee, Alex, and Hong Kong duo The Mann Bros, with their brother Mikey. The Mann’s were brilliant. Eccentric and didn’t give a fuck.

The next day was the Kawasaki show, it was a very wet day, and about an hours commute from Ichigaya, where we all met and travelled together I had a really good chat with Sakura and Masa on the train to the show, I told them that I was fully intending to stop wrestling for a while. They seemed a little shocked, but when I explained why, they understood and supported the decision. They went into a deep conversation together, and I went to chat with Greg and Balliyan Akki for the rest of the journey.
We arrived to Kawaskaki, and walked to the venue. It was huge. Inside was a long entrance ramp, and loads of dressing rooms. I was in an 8 man tag with the Mann Bros and on of the main trainer guys, Hiroshi Kondo against 4 guys from what I assumed was some kind of trainee/ feeder group ‘Going Up’, I couldn’t quite translate very well. Anyhow, those guys were Masked Mystery, the big man ‘Guts’ Ishijima, Joji Otani, and Keito Murota.

Post-match interview at Heat-Up with Kondo and the Mann Bros

We didn’t have a lot of time for us to really have a big epic, we never needed to be. I felt fucking good going into this match, I was confident, and more than anything I was determined to savour these last moments in front of a Japanese audience, in a Japanese ring.
I had a few set pieces, and I think I executed everything crisp and looked good, except for a slight mixup at the end. I felt an awesome chemistry with the big man Guts Ishijima, he let me give him a huge Saito suplex, which he bumped beautifully for me. I would’ve loved to have worked a singles with him, but it wasn’t to be.
Match done, I felt brilliant. I went and watched the last two matches, and the main event was just brilliant. Daisuke Kanehara and Fuminori Abe put on a wonderful and physical main event for the Heat-Up championship.

We packed everything away, got paid, and headed for the train station. My wrestling in Japan was over. Time to just enjoy. I planned to go and watch the Gatoh Move show the next day.
A load of us walked to the train station together, and I walked with Sakura. She was asking a lot of questions, and she asked me if I wanted to go to Gatoh Move the next day. I said of course, I was planning to come and watch.
She didn’t mean that. She was inviting me to be on the show.
Well, of course the answer was yes. One last ichigaya. Yes fucking please!
She was texting and on her phone a lot on the way back, which wasn’t uncommon for her. She was always busy, working until the early hours, making things happen.
She was asking me about Japanese wrestling, what I thought about it, and how my experiences there, and with her had been.
I was really honest with her, and told her that Japan, and training with her had been some of the best experiences I’d had. She, and everyone involved in Gatoh Move had made me feel always welcome, they’d shown me things I would never have seen as a tourist, and that I was so grateful for everything.
I didn’t really twig what she was up to, and she asked me who my favourite pro wrestler was in Japan. It was kind of buried in amongst everything else we were talking about. She was up to something..

The perfect sendoff in Ichigaya

Ichigaya show the next day, and I nearly missed it. I got caught in rush hour train traffic, and I’d just moved hotels to just outside of Akihabara. Sakura was texting me, “where are you”, “are you still coming”. I sent her a picture of the train station, and how full they were. A laughing emoji came back, and “please hurry”.
I arrived, and apologised, big deep bows to everyone. I was in a 6 person tag. Myself, Singaporean wrestler NYC Nic, and the mighty Riho, taking on Antonio Honda, Baliyan Akki and Mitsuru Konno. It was a perfect Ichigaya match. Fun, hard hitting and audience participation. I was really pleased that this was where I get to finish up in Japan. it felt right.
The show finished, and we reached the best part of an Ichigaya show, the roundtable. Tea would be brought out for everyone, and the roster would back and forth, setup things for future events and occasionally, talk honestly.
Sakura gave me the floor. I asked Akki if he’d mind helping me, as his Japanese was fluent. I spoke from the heart, and thanked everyone who’d come to shows, and supported me over the years. I then spoke to Sakura and Masa, and thanked them for everything they had done for me since 2013. I bowed deep on my knees to them. Sakura teared up.
The audience clapped, and then in walked my favourite Japanese pro wrestler.

Hikaru Shida walked into the building and I was shocked. She’d written a note, and read it in front of everyone. It was fully a surreal moment.
I’d had plenty of interactions with Shida over the years, but she was really hitting her stride here, and was one of the biggest female stars in Japan, so I didn’t expect that I’d ever really see her in person again.
The show closed, and it was time to sell merch and take checki’s (polaroid photos with us, that we’d sign personally). The audience slowly filtered away, and we turned the dojo into a dining room. We ate, and drank until the last train. What a perfect end to my wrestling career in Japan.

I had a few days until it was time to go home, so I planned to just be a tourist. I received a text from Masa inviting me to a BBQ at his parents home on my last day in Japan. I couldn’t wait. Masa and his parents had looked after me before, and I was looking forward to seeing them again, most likely for the last time.

I ‘touristed’ for a couple of days, I bummed around Akihabara, and met my friend Mike in Ueno for an evening of sampling the Japan nightlife.
I’d never been to the coast in Japan, so I took a train to Odaiba and went to Odaiba beach for a few hours. It was nice, but it was weird being at what felt like a city beach. It was a nice day, and I let myself relax, sunbathe and just allow myself to process what the last few days had been about.
The last full day in Japan, and a few of us went via train into Chiba-prefecture and onto Masa’s family home for a wonderful day of relaxation, food and overall, the perfect way to end it all.

It all ended on a high, and I could never have asked for more.


Chapter 50 – The Wind-Up

I put up a blog at the back end of April stating that I intended to take a break from pro wrestling from the end of July. I wasn’t sure if this was going to be a month, or permanent, I just needed to get out.

vs Ritmo for HOPE

I had no belts left, but at the time, I still had the Japan booking to fulfil. I thought all I really had left to achieve was tick off a few matches that I’d have liked to do before I stopped. I got booked for HOPE, which I wouldn’t really have done, but it was a match against Ritmo, and I felt I owed him a less bad tempered match after our HOP show in December.
I was in probably the peak of my physical shape at any stage of my wrestling career at this point, ironically enough. I wanted to just have a full pelt indy wankathon in front of the small audience, just something to please ourselves really.
I don’t think we quite did that as I ended up having a fair bit of back and forth with the crowd. Rit and I had a good fun match though, probably my favourite that we’d had.

One last none House of Pain booking to go, and I finally got a final single match with Paul Malen. I’d always maintained that Paul Malen was one of those wrestlers who was a real ‘wrestlers wrestler’. He never needed to be flashy, he was solid, could read an audience effortlessly, and was a safe as houses when it came to in-ring.
We wrestled in Derby in the boiling heat, in a very fun match. I needed to work someone like Paul as he helped me slow down, after having worked at Japanese pace, which is a little faster. This match was a week after coming home from Japan, and I loved it, and it felt like the perfect match to finish up on the wider scene with.

And now to the last match.

Obviously my last match was going to be for House of Pain. House of Pain was my home, and it, and Stixx, had given me all of the tools that I learned to get started on this huge life experience. I’d been the unsure footed green guy, I’d plyed my trade here, I’d been the veteran, I’d been the nearly man, the locker room leader, the trainer, the advice giver, the first one to Japan, the champion, the failure.
I needed to go full circle, and close things here. There truly was no place like home.

No match was announced, only an appearance. Early in the show, I came to the ring, and announced I was stepping away. I got a wonderful reception from the Beeston crowd, and I left the ring. That was it.
Well obviously it wasn’t.
Tommy Taylor was a nobhead heel, and set out an open challenge, to which I responded to.
One last match.
It was essentially a greatest hits match, where I went and hit all of my moves, 1-2-3.

I wanted to lose to Tommy but Stixx said “the crowd doesn’t want to see that. They want to see you batter Tommy, and leave them feeling good about you”
He was right. I’d always felt like the HOP audience had had enough of me. They hadn’t. I was just in my own head. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

Its really hard to put into words how that evening felt. It was as perfect as it could be. It left me feeling warm, like I’d accomplished more than I realised. It was exactly the ending it needed to be.
I needed to let the evening sink in, and I needed to go away.

It was finally time.

Chapter 51 – Thanks Gabe

I was quite happily done with wrestling. I unfollowed everything wrestling, I tuned out and I was good. I got stuck into my work, and I loved being around pro cricket. I enjoyed having those weekends back, and I enjoyed the time with my kids.

One afternoon I got a facebook message from Gabe Kidd. He was planning to head over to L.A to tryout at the NJPW LA Dojo and train under Katsuyori Shibata. He wondered if I could help him with some of the things that were involved in training, as he wanted to get himself up to standard, and be as prepared as possible.
Gabe was young, and really fucking hungry. I’d known Gabe for a very long time, I’d watched him grow from a high-pitched kid wearing a mask, into a young man, who was ready to truly become a pro wrestler. He was serious, and he had nothing holding him back. I wanted to help him, so we met up at the House of Pain school when it was closed, and we ran through a bunch of drills, movements, rolls, bumps. We chatted for a while as he wanted to pick my brain as much as possible, so I gave him everything I could think of.
Gabe’s story isn’t mine to tell, but he went to LA, he succeeded, he’s excelled. Gabriel Kid is a star in the making.
But what Gabe did for me, was tell me I had something valuable to offer. Wrestling would be there when I was ready. Fucker. He put that in the back of my mind.

I started going back to the gym before work as I wanted to strengthen my knees up anyway. I kept going. And there was something in the back of my mind asking me why I was going to the gym. I needed to be training for something. And before I knew it, I rocked up to House of Pain and trained. And then I went again. And shit I was back in.

For fuck sake.

What did I want from it. Did I just want to train, did I want to train others, or I did I want to get in the ring again? I wasn’t sure, but I kept training.

Back in the ring, December 28 2018

Stixx asked me what I wanted to do. He wanted me to be on the last show of the year.
Ok, cool, I’ll do that and see where I wanted to go after that.

In an ironic twist, like I finished up, I answered an open challenge, against Bjorn Jones. I finished 2018 back in the ring, and I had a decision to make.